Dear Extroverts:

I am an introvert.  Not the kind of introvert that doesn’t talk to people.  Not the kind the movie industry portrays as shy and unassuming.  I like people. I like talking to people, hanging out, being friends.  I would just prefer to do it from the comfort of my own home.  I guess you would call me a homebody, but that doesn’t really get across my overwhelming anxiety ridden need to stay home. 

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I have enjoyed the memes about introverts preparing for this our whole lives, or the ones letting all you regular folk know, you’re in our world now.  My husband (a diehard extrovert) often comments, “I bet you’re loving this.”

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In all honesty, yes, yes, I am loving the lack of anxiety that I felt on a daily basis.  I enjoy not having to medicate and breathe and think positive thoughts at all times.  Yes, I enjoy not feeling like a freak when I say, “No thanks, I’d rather stay home.”

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But anxiety doesn’t like being put on the shelf.  Anxiety isn’t going to sit there quietly and wait until the world re-opens and it can have its fun again.  New things spring up, small things that blindside you when they cause a panic attack.

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I fear the day working outside the home starts back up.  I fear the day we all return to what we knew, and life moves on.  Don’t get me wrong, I also look forward to the day we as a people can no longer be scared.  That we can no longer fear for the health and safety of ourselves and our loved ones.  But, on a personal note, I also fear it.

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In order to live a normal healthy life where I was a mother that drove carpool and went to work everyday and took the kids to soccer and walked the dog and went on date nights, I had to have a finely honed system.  One thing built upon the next.  Take the kids to school, followed by going to work, followed by a trip to the gym.  If one building block fell, if I couldn’t successfully navigate through one, I had the next goal to get me back on track. 

After four months at home my whole system has hit a reset.  When work starts up in September the anxiety will be fierce.  When I have to take my son to soccer I will sit in the car and have a panic attack.  When my husband wants to eat out, I will pop an anxiety pill before we leave.  The system will comeback to me, the alternative is not something I want to think about.  I will get back in the groove, battle the anxiety and be successful once again.  But while introverts are “loving this” we are also fully aware there will be a price to pay when it is all over and we have to join your world again.