A little over a year ago my co-worker mentioned he was looking for a kitten. His son wanted one and he was going to surprise him.
“My daughter’s friend is giving away kittens.” I told him, excited I could be of help.
He seemed excited too and we set it all up. A few days later I drove to my daughter’s friend’s house and collected the small tabby fur baby. I drove her to the school where my co-worker was waiting outside. That moment, that first moment when he opened the carrier and reached in, the anticipation, fear, and joy mingled on his face, was tear inducing. Then he pulled out the small mewing creature and his face lit up.
If you haven’t seen pure joy before, I highly recommend it. The smile that could not be dimmed, the rapid speech as he tried to say all the words. The kitten was meant for his son, but that little girl already had him wrapped around her paw.
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It was one of those moments that you know will stick with you. A truly sweet, happy memory you can look back on and smile. It warmed my heart, just to be able to be a part of making someone else so happy. I wished I could do it again.
A week later, my son’s tutor mentioned a group she used to volunteer for. A cat rescue that needed foster families to take in kittens until they could be adopted out to new homes.
A short family meeting later and it was unanimous. We are on our fifth (possibly sixth?) kitten family now. They are all different, some sweet and loving from the start, some taking their time before they fully trust us. We have had one foster fail. My daughter and a kitten just bonded so completely it would have been cruel to separate them.
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It is not easy, there are frequent litter box mishaps, food issues, and a continual struggle to keep the little ones away from the dog. Those little heathens have torn apart my furniture and tormented our cats. But when you place that small warm body into the arms of its new mom or dad. The light sparks in their eyes and you know. We get to be a part of making a family just a little more complete, and that feels amazing.
Thinking about this put me in mind of the Friends episode where Phoebe is trying to prove she can be altruistic. To perform an act that helps someone else but not reap any benefit from it. Simply put, being unselfish.
Is this even possible?
People don’t do things unless there’s a reward, however small. There are extrinsic rewards; pay for a job well done, an at-a-boy from the boss, recognition of your peers. Then there are intrinsic rewards; joy from helping others, satisfaction at cooking a good meal, pride in accomplishing a goal.
As Phoebe finds in the episode, altruism is hard if not impossible to come by. After all, human beings are essentially part of the animal kingdom. As animals, nature has hard wired us with positive and negative reinforcement. A natural operant conditioning model that rewards us with pride, happiness, satisfaction and so on when we do something right. Nature also removes our good health and general wellness when we don’t exercise, eat poorly and so on. Sex, feels good and continues the human race, food tastes good and it keeps us alive. If we don’t bathe, brush our teeth or exercise we have tooth pain, disease and bad feelings. Granted, without a manual, we as human beings took quite a while to figure that one out! (I wonder if that says something about the efficacy of a negative reinforcement model!?)
Back to the kittens. Am I being good and kind hearted when I foster and adopt out kittens? Am I being self-interested, searching out the high I got from the first time? Probably a little of both. I love giving back but I do get something out of it. Does that diminish the act, or does that just mean I’m human?
Rebecca Lamprey 