In seventh grade Cole was starting to get the attention of a lot of girls. Most of his friends were girls and most of them ‘liked’ him. There was an agreement among these ladies that in order to stay friends, none of them were allowed to actually be his girlfriend.
*Gemma broke from the herd and pursued him relentlessly.
She was FaceTimeing him several times a day and texting when they weren’t otherwise digitally connected.
Cole swore he only liked her as a friend. Poor, sad, unknowing boy.
.
A week later he and Gemma were ‘going out’. I’m still not clear on what that really means. In my day it meant we hung out during lunch and breaks and held hands. From talking to Cole, it sounds like today it’s about the same, at least for him.
They were an item for about a month, when Gemma, from out of the blue, broke up with him. I have to give her credit; at least she did it herself and not in front of others. Cole was, surprisingly, heartbroken. He didn’t start out liking her like that, but he ended up really caring about her.
She was a part of his group of friends, so they still had contact, but he tried to avoid talking to her. A week after she broke his heart, she said she wanted to go out with him again.
Cole ignored the advice of his two sisters, both of whom were adamantly against a reconciliation, and said a joyous, “YES!”
.
Four days later she broke his heart again.
.
What his sisters and I all could have predicted, seemed to have blindsided him.
“There was no indication. Nothing she did or said gave me a clue,” he said.
I asked to see his phone. The evidence was all there.
He’d text her ::want to talk::?
And she’d leave it on read.
He’d text :: want to hang out::?
She’d text ::no:: or ::can’t::
He’d ask how she was or what was she doing, and she’d either ignore the text or give a one-word answer.
She was clearly distancing herself from him, but because he is so monosyllabic himself, he didn’t see it.
Now, a year later, Cole is still friends with some of the girls from that group, and Gemma is one of them. He had some friends over the other day, Gemma and four others, boys and girls. They all watched movies and as I came and went, I observed that Gemma rotated through the group of boys, cuddling with one then switching to another. My mothering instincts went on high alert as I saw that Cole was included as one of her cuddle partners.
Gemma, it seems, is one of ‘those’ girls—we’ve all seen them. Boy crazy, some call it. It’s possible, probable even, that this girl’s self-esteem is intrinsically connected to what boy she has or what boy likes her at any given time, and that she needs proof she’s desired. I don’t know what exactly drives her.
While I sort of understand what’s motivating her, I still give my son the advice that she is not loyal. She is not selective in who she chooses, and this is because it’s not about the individual person for her. Boys are simply interchangeable, and he deserves, is worth, so much more than that.
*name changed for privacy reasons
Rebecca Lamprey 