Everyone’s got them, those little annoyances. Things that many can brush off or ignore that get under your skin and settle there. Someone’s habit or idiosyncrasy that drives you insane. You may think, oh yeah, that bugs everyone, but pet peeves have that label because they don’t just bug you, they aren’t just an inconvenience. They do much more: they drive you unutterably, infuriatingly insane.
Here are just a few of mine.
Over explaining (mansplaining):
It wasn’t always called this, and it isn’t only men that do it. But, when someone continues to explain something even after I’ve nodded in understanding or even given verbal clues that, yes, I get it, I get rip roaringly mad. My mother-in-law did this on the daily, and I must admit that when she came to live with us for the last six years of her life I practically bit through my tongue on more than one occasion.
My husband has gotten better at not doing this, over time. So, when he falls prey to the need to over-explain something, or tell me at length about a meeting he already described in detail the day before, I can usually manage to not hit him over the head.
Disclaimer phrases:
“No offense but…”
I have a hard and fast rule in my house: If you have to say “No offense, but…” before you speak then don’t speak. Whatever you were going to say was mean and you have no reason to be saying it out loud. The people who use this phrase are bullies and/or mean girls; convince me I’m wrong!
“…if I wanted to.”
I was in a restaurant with my husband a few days ago, and we overheard a guy at the other table trying to impress the girl he was with.
“I could totally rob a bank and get away with it. I mean, it would be so easy for me. You know, if I wanted to.”
My immediate thought? Then why the F— don’t you do it then?
This form of bragging is ridiculous in the extreme. I’ve heard things like, “If I wanted to, I could ace that test,” or, “I could win that race, if I wanted to. If I wanted to, I could totally beat you at Fortnite.”
To each of them I say: “Put up or shut up. There is no place for puffed up egos like yours at my table, thank you very much!” (not really, but I want to)
Dad jokes:
I had a father that thankfully never made me suffer these unfunny, infuriatingly timed jokes. My husband on the other hand can’t get enough of them. I dread losing my phone, because if I ask, “Can you call my phone, I can’t find it?” The answer is…you guessed it, he opens his mouth and calls out for my phone. “Rebeca’s phone? Rebecca’s phone?” I swear, it’s a miracle I haven’t throttled him yet.
Another classic for him is if I ask him to look and see if there’s something in my eye. “Yes, it’s an eyeball.” Ha, ha. My least favorite is if I ask him to remind me of something. He will invariably turn to me seconds later to tell me the thing I just asked him to remind me of.
I have spent considerable time wording my requests in a way that will get the answer/help I want. “Can you use your phone to dial my phone?” and, “Tomorrow, before I leave for work, can you remind me to…”
Sadly, it rarely works.
These are just a few of my special irritants, the ones that drive me up the wall. You can probably tell that just thinking about them got my ire up. Please let me know what you think. Do you have one of your own to share? I would love to hear it!
P.S. My husband is fully aware of my opinions and loves to continue his game of “how much can I piss off my wife”. Don’t worry, I have my little vices as well that I’m sure he can’t stand either!
Rebecca Lamprey 