TMI Mom!

It is a common thing in my marriage that when one of us is “in the mood” the other is not.  I read somewhere that this is normal.  That everyone has their own internal rhythm and that includes when their body is most interested in “gettin’ busy.” 

Unfortunately, my rhythm is set for around 4:00PM when my husband is in meetings and —pre-pandemic— was at work. My husband’s is around 11:00PM when I am tired and done with my day.  As you can imagine this makes for some lackluster encounters. 

But, that’s not all.  My kids love to hang out in our bedroom.  More often than not, when I am lying in bed reading or lost in the endless void of Instagram, the kids, 14 and 16, are dancing around the room, lying next to me scrolling through TikToK, or sitting on the foot of the bed telling me about their day.  Synchronous rhythms or not, nothing’s happening when they’re around.

Two weeks ago, Sunday afternoon, I looked at my husband and he looked at me.  In one of those rare moments when we seem to be reading each other’s mind, we knew.  It. Was. On. 

I danced up the stairs, my husband trailing behind, each of us as giddy as newlyweds.  We entered our bedroom and almost dove onto the bed when I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye. 

My daughter was in the master bath, primping in front of the mirror. 

“Hannah!” I exclaimed, hurrying over to her.

“What?” She seemed confused as I used my hands to turn her and started walking her out of the bathroom and toward the bedroom door.

“What are you doing, I was—”

“You need to go to your own bathroom.”  I explained.

“But why?  I like yours better,” she whined.

Here’s the thing: Hannah is a very determined person who HATES feeling like she’s being left out.  I knew that if I didn’t answer her, she would be knocking on the door and asking questions.  She will know full well what’s going on, but in her bid to let us know how irritated she is with us, she will invariably be a nuisance. 

“Look,” I said, “It is very rare that your dad and I actually want to have sex at the same time.  We do now, and are taking advantage of that.”

I didn’t waste time watching her wrinkle her nose in disgust, but heard her laughter, her “Gross!” and her “My parents are so weird.” As she walked down the hall to her own room.